You're my little dorito
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
