So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
