Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
