please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
