We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
