Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
