69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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