Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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