Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
