I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
