I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
