this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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