So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
