just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
