I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
