How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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