I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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