I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
