On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
one two three fourrrrnication!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
