Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
