eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
