i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
