I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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