she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
