I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
