Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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