It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
