dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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