you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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