I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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