We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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