dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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