My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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