i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
