I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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