Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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