It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im six kinds of drunk right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
