were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
