his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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