Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
