Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
