So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
