I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
