spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
