dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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