When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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