According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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