I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
