Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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