do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
