I will die if light touches me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
