she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
