When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
