we made out on top of his cat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
