Plan B is the new Plan A
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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