It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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